I have a natural dislike of popular people. It comes from being unpopular my whole life, and resenting those that get through life easily. 20 yrs later its still with me, tho I’m happy with it now, its a feature of my personality which benefits others as I am really friendly to new people I meet. However if you’re not the underdog, and you’re popular already, and I’ll notice btw… you won’t be on my priority list to say ‘hi’ to.
I’ve learnt a couple of confidence tricks, over the years. If you’re a fish out of water in a new situation, there will only be a small window of confidence that you’ll have before it flies out of the.. err… window(?) – never to be seen again. I’ve learnt that people who get spooked and intimidated by others, me being one of them, need to get the in the ‘happy punch’ first, before the alpha male intimidates.
What’s a happy punch?…
Well its breaking the ice with a smile, a joke or a hello. Any one will do. Once that’s out of the way, people will realise you’re not a dick and be ok with you.
The next thing I learnt was to identify the best mate of the cool kid, and make friends with them first and only them. The ‘Mate Of The Cool Kid’ (MOTCK) has probably known the Cool Kid (CK) for a long time, childhood friends normally, and as time went on and the CK became talented at something, the MOTCK would be always in the CK’s shadow – the unpopular one. This all means that the MOTCK, is a whole lot easier to befriend than the CK is, who probably has spent years fending off people that want to be friends with them. This is key – once you’re friends with the MOTCK, the CK will naturally accept you as a friend too. I’m not going to go into more detail here, but trust me it works.
The final trick is to praise the alpha male. Yep a simple suck up. Talented people, operate best when their ego is stroked. They are good at what they do, they know it, and they are used to other people knowing it too. As long as you don’t come across as a crazy stalker dude, then your praise, will open up an opportunity to hold a short sentence driven conversation. As the alpha males’ mates won’t know who the hell you are, but can see you and them exchanging a few happy words together, you’ll instantly be accepted into the group friends too (as long as you’re not a cock). If you aren’t sure if you are a cock, ask one of your close mates, and they’ll tell you.
The problem with these confidence techniques is, you have to have a degree of confidence in order to achieve them. Its ok tho, I have a answer for that too. Its called ‘the 6ft glance’ – and I invented it. Its true. Google ‘The 6ft Glance’ and you’ll find nothing on the net about it.
The 6ft glance – is my secret solution to developing self confidence and intimidating any stranger of any stature and presence immediately. It goes like this.
When you pass someone in the street, very often at a comfortable point before you both cross each others path (usually 6ft-ish), you’ll probably glance at each other. Particularly if they are about your build, height and weight (clothing comes into it as well btw) .. this ‘glance’ can be positive – in the way that people wearing the same taste in music might identify the cool T-Shirt they are both wearing, or the ‘glance’ can be negative – as in the old neanderthal vibe of which person is the alpha male etc.
Unconfident people assess others at great distance to determine whether the person in their line of sight is going to generate a negative glance or a positive one. An intimidating person approaching, will always win, and the unconfident one will rarely make eye contact, as they see it as an act of aggravation towards the alpha male.
The way to overcome this negative vibe with anyone you meet is to identify a point in the distance directly behind (or to the side of) the person approaching you and focus on that object (it could be a shop sign or a building feature. Making sure you never once look into the eyes of the approaching person. No matter what they do. Your focus remains entirely on the distant feature. As you both approach, the alpha male with begin ‘checking you out’… they will look at you and try to make eye contact. They will see you looking in their direction, but not directly at them, so they will look away. A few steps closer, they will look again at you, and you will still be focusing in the distance behind them. Hold your nerve btw, and stay focused. Do not, under any circumstances, look at them directly, or look away in another direction. If you do they will win. As you both get closer together and the alpha male clocks you for a third time, their brain will be a mess, it will feel like you are ‘fronting’ them, being the aggressor, acting dominant and being ‘in their face’. But whenever they look at you, they can see that you aren’t making eye contact, and as long as you don’t, they won’t have a pair of eyeballs to stand up to and challenge.
They will be in a state of total confusion.
All they can do is give in and look away, and you will have won – and ultimately passed them with your head held high and their dipping into submission.
It never fails.
Whatever your confidence level, you need to give that one a go. Its great fun for mentally pushing people about in the high street.
Anyways… this was all spurred on by a thought tonight in the gym, of the dude in the hat that sat by himself and didn’t say a word and pretty much did bugger all, because you can see that he was intimidated by the crowd. I hated seeing that, cause I’m that kid too. I always was, and I still am. I’ve just developed a way not to make it obvious.
So yeah, gym was great – but my antenna were up, my radar was switched on, and I couldn’t chillax properly. I hope he picks a quieter night to visit next time – cause you can guarantee I’ll be the first to get a happy punch in.